Posts

Adjusting to a life from 100% Dad to 100% Parent

One of the things that hit me was how I've moved from the role of a 'father' to a 'parent' with my children.  When the children are with me - I realize that I'm with them 100% and then I need to switch myself off completely as a parent when they are with their mom.  Contrast this to being a 100% father all the time - I now find myself teetering tottering as a parent at lightening speed and putting the brakes on completely.   Trying to cope with that transition is hard - as I'm constantly transitioning (100% parent, 0% parent, 100% parent, 0% parent, etc.) versus trying to keep myself at a steady improvement as a father (all the time 100% of the time).   I try to pre-plan life with them whilst they are not with me - that does pose its own challenges as I work full-time - and it's generally hard not to miss them.  Here are a few things I try and do while I don't have the children with me (and if anybody can advise me more that would be great!): ...

Moving from my divorce

I was married for over 13 years - and now am divorce - this is a blog as I discover my life post divorce.  For the purposes of privacy - I request that if you happen to know my children or their mother - kindly provide me with the privacy as I facilitate the transfer of my children to a two home life.  Divorce is very hard - especially if you are the 'dumped' vs the 'dumpee' - it takes two sane bodies and minds to get together and agree to start a relationship - yet it only takes one to end it.  This has been the biggest mind boggling epiphany for me.  Divorce is probably the world's most allowable unjustified act - and it can happen without and repercussions for the 'dumpee'!  It almost provides the thoughts of why should one even bother getting married or having a relationship - when they can walk out of the marriage anytime they like?  In short - I still believe that every marriage brings about its goodness - and I would be lying if I said that my marr...

The meaning of 'Checked Out'

It is a person's right to end the marriage.  That statement alone is the biggest form of injustices a person can experience and is very much allowed today.  My marriage didn't end on either of us committing adultery, being physically or violently abusive, or any addiction - my marriage ended simply for one reason - my wife checked out and couldn't try to love me anymore.  Her love for me was so low that she didn't even want to try counselling.   It took me a long time to understand - what does 'checked out' mean and if any other husband or wife is experiencing this - here's what I can try to describe it as best as I can.   It's as if you don't exist anymore - your presence is the sign and reminder of hatred by your spouse, the mere mention of your name or anything baring you - makes them cringe.  They've moved on in life - a life that has no connection with you.  It's as if the world's population has lost one person - YOU.  As strange ...